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Orphan Black Recap: Episode 9 "Insolvent Phantom of Tomorrow"

London calling to the faraway clones
Now war is declared and battle come down
London calling to the cloneworld
Come out of the cupboard, you ledas and castors
London calling, now don't look to S
Phony Rachel has bitten the dust
London calling, see we ain't got no Felix
'Cept for the ring of that double helix

Previously on Orphan Black, Donnie is not a fan of the movie Psycho, Helena is a fan of her frozen embryos, Jason just LOVEs giving Donnie a beatdown, and Delphine has had it with EVERYONE. Especially that guy from the Tudors who wanted to bang Not Rachel Sarah (we love James Frain!). Shay is a nosey nelly, Castor is stealing stuff, and Rachel is engineering a coup but not before translating part of Duncan's book for Sarah.

This very special episode of Orphan Black is brought to you by the letters WTF as Blossom finds out that her grandmother is also her grandfather....

But first! London calling. Sarah, Felix, and Mrs. S have arrived and gone straight to S's old stomping grounds: cool pubs where S once had a real commitment to singing. Shavon the bomb is back! And she's meeting Terry, an old pal, and someone who helped her find Felix and Sarah 20 years ago. And he's brought a gun. S says there's only one use for that gun, and that's to kill the Castor original.

On the other side of the pond, Rudy is having a tough time concentrating and passing his mental agility tests. It could be the heat and the incessant smoking by his mother, Dr. Coady, but it appears to be the nasty glitch. He's turning into Princess Vanellope right before our eyes. This does not suit Rudy who demonstrates this by tearing up the room. So far they haven't cracked Duncan's code, and don't know where the original castor could be. And I have zero dark thirty sympathy for them.

While Rudy is up a creek without a paddle, Helena is living large in the suburbs, teaching Alison's daughter how to take over the family assasin business. Helena has just gotten to the gouging out the eyes part when Gracie interrupts and suggests that perhaps seestra should not be doing this. Helena agrees, "I am mother now. I walk a different path." I don't think anyone in the room is buying it.

Pond skipping again - to good old London where Felix and Sarah are getting some fun stories about S from Terry before he digs in and examines the code that Rachel translated. The numbers at the bottom tell him the person they're looking for was or still is a prisoner. He promises to track down a name to go with the number and get back to S as soon as possible.

Meanwhile Alison is busy loading up her campaign "supplies" for the day with Gracie. She gives Gracie the day off when she says she has a doctor's appointment. Leaving Alison to wonder where Donnie is.

Donnie is wondering the same thing as he wakes up on the wrong side of a Kellerman punch. No amount of scrubbing bubbles is going to fix that face. Alison finally gets ahold of Donnie who claims he was up early for a run. Alison shows her usual knack for demanding answers while never really
listening. She's off to campaign and Donnie gets out a frustrated "I love you - up - hello? bye." The delivery of that line is everything.

Also having trouble in couple paradise? Cosima and Shay. Thanks to Delphine's anti-laissez faire attitude, Cosima has an entire dossier on Shay and it reveals a lot: including the fact that Shay was in the military. The blue beret kind of military. This "turn" of events has Cosima wondering if Shay is in fact a spy. Cosima splutters out excuses to not spend any time with
Shay and quickly leaves.

Back at Bubbles, Donnie is straightening up the storage room after the previous night's fracas. If only this was the worst part of his 24 hours. It's not. Angry drug dealer enforcer guy has arrived to poke Donnie in the face and talk some shit. Apparently Jason ran to mommy Pouchy and told on Donnie. Pouchy was not happy so he's shutting down Team Hendrix.

Pokey guy knocks over all the cans that Donnie had JUST straightened out while looking for the pills. Donnie tries to tell him the pills aren't there, but he keeps destroying things. Until he finds Helena's babies. This he will take. He vuld like all the pills back before he will give back babies.

Cosima has run to Scott and is drinking... Schnapps? "I don't really entertain much," says Scott. You don't say. Scott doesn't see much evidence that Shay is a spy, but Cosima is making her case: she saw the book, she knew about Sarah, and she knew Cosima was sick again. Yep. Time for Cosima to "eat shit" as she puts it.

So the good showrunners of Orphan Black cut to a plate full of beans. Nice. We are in London after all. Not so shit? S, Felix and Sarah seem to be enjoying family reminiscent time when S's old band shows up. They talk her into getting up on stage and singing!

While S is singing, Terry is getting pounded. He's found out who the original Castor is just in time for Top Side to show up and go after him. Terry is apparently working for Top Side in some capacity. But he's refusing to divulge anything that he's found out about S and her kids. So it's full out torture ala Thomas Cromwell style for poor Terry while S sings her heart out. Before he got attacked Terry managed to leave a message for S to come to his house.

S tries to call him after she's done singing, but the phone just rings. She gathers up her chickens and heads over to meet with Terry.

Back in Orphan Bad country, Helena has gone
all Mamma Mia singing not quite as well as S while making what I hope is soap to the Mamas and the Papas. Gracie comes in to say goodbye with such gravity that it makes one wonder.... Helena pauses for the briefest of moments before getting back to her jams only to be interrupted again by the sight of Donnie coming home all
beaten and bloody.

Donnie heads inside and starts looking around for I don't know what because I'm totally distracted by this ------------->
I thought you were dealing pills Donnie. Not crack! Helena has already made her way inside and quizzes Donnie on what happened to him. He tries to avoid a conversation but Helena insists he "sit." Helena promises she will make the pain go away and then maybe Donnie will tell her "some truth." Helena's bedside manner leaves much to be desired.

Speaking of desire, Cosima has gone to see Delphine because she's worried Shay may be a mole. Delphine pulls out her best French attitude and grumbles at Cosima. She's not going to make it easy for Cosima and demands full disclosure. Cosima reveals that Sarah is in London right now. Like right now! Trying to kill the Castor original. Delphine agrees to help and I have visions of her pushing on Rachel's bad eye to get answers. This can't be good for Shay.

In Donnieland, Helena has combined something that looks like the glue they try to get you to make in school out of flour and other stuff that would never hold together. "This we make in convent." She says. And this she plans to put on Donnie's face. She takes him to task for getting involved with drug dealers. But Donnie says he did it for his family. And oh by the way, they took a tank thing. Helena immediately drops the compassion. She is going to get her babies back. Donnie sweetly tries to promise Helena he will get the babies back for her, because she's part of the family.

Back in London, Terry looks like he's been worked over by Helena in her pre-mother days. He's still alive and tells S he misled Top Side. He confides to S who the number was and she's shocked. And then Terry is dead dead dead. S wants to go home. She says it's over and they're leaving. Sarah's not having it, but S screams at Felix to get Sarah out of there. Sarah quickly picks up Terry's phone from the floor.

Sarah's decided she's going to call Terry's people to find out what he learned. Felix is less than
thrilled but Sarah's plowing ahead. She gets one of Terry's earlier calls on the phone and arranges a meeting. All while Top Side looks on. Soon, a black cab arrives to pick up Sarah. She has apparently never seen a Study in Pink because she gets in the bloody cab! Sarah pretends to be S and away she and Felix go!

Meanwhile, Donnie and Helena have arrived at Pouchy's to deliver the pills. Donnie goes in
alone to deal with the situation. His meeting gets off to a rough start when Pouchy's right hand lady insists on slamming down the paper shredder; ostensibly to cut up flyers but in reality to trigger Donnie's PTSD.

Donnie throws in the bins with the pills and asks for the tank back. He has to admit to the tank being full of fertilized embryos and takes one for the team claiming he and Alison are having trouble conceiving. This is very funny to Pouchy
and crew. I think he might have gotten out of there without too much trouble, but Donnie tries to ask for his money back. Cue Helena.

The bad guys can tell something is off with HelaAli. They want to know why she's talking funny. HelaAli says she has a cold. "Yeah, it's one of those really bad ones that messes with your syntax," says Donnie in the line of the night. HelaAli's appearance works, and
Pouchy gives the tank back.
Donnie tries to collect his refund as well, but Pouchy informs Donnie he's never going to be out. They will always pull him back in.

HelaAli and Donnie slowly make their way out when Pouchy's lady decides to throw in a threat against Donnie's children for good measure. Pst! Ixnay on the hildrencay! But it's too late. "Did you threaten babies?" Oh no. "You should not threaten babies."

You also shouldn't threaten Cophine. Delphine has arrived at Shay's to have a little talk. And Delphine's going to make Shay take off her shoes. Sounds very ominous. Though completely inexplicable.

In London, the cab of death has stopped in a dark alley. The driver demands Felix and Sarah get out of the car. He then throws Felix on the hood of the cab and tells Sarah not to even think about getting her gun out or he will snap Felix's neck. Wouldn't a gun still be worth pulling out? But Sarah doesn't quibble. Cabby Jeff Hope wants some answers. And Sarah quickly supplies them. She's Sarah, he's Felix, they're S's kids. That's enough info to get Felix off the hood and over to safety.

Turns out Crabby Cabby is Kasov. He helped move Sarah and Felix around from place to place 20 years ago. He tells Sarah the name of the prisoner: Kendall Malone. He agrees to take them to Malone's house.

From dark and creepy alleys to blood covered clones, Helena has disposed of Pouchy and his paper cutter. She's also gotten a refund for Donnie. A seestra always pays her debts. Donnie quickly gets Carrie Helena in the car and out of sight.

Meanwhile barefoot Shay is still answering Delphine's questions, but Delphine is not getting the answers she wants. Time to bring a little Alex Forrest to the party. If making Shay take her shoes off wasn't strange enough. Delphine is now running a bath.

Helena is also bathing, removing the last of the blood from her hands as Donnie packs the money into the freezer in the garage. Helena has gotten him a little more money than they were owed. She also sweetly thanks him for helping her get back her babies. Helena gets out of there just as Alison comes home. Ali wants to know what happened to him. Donnie tells her that they've come into some money. A lot of money.

And Delphine has come into some razors. And that's when we find out why Shay had to take off her shoes. Delphine knows the best way to kill yourself with a razor. She shares about a girl she knew in school who tried to kill herself. But it was not enough to just to slit your wrists. If you really want to kill yourself you have to cut the arteries in your feet as well. Shay does not look all that pleased to hear this college hijinks story.

Just as it looks like Shay is doomed, Gracie steps in to save the day. Gracie calls Cosima and reveals that she is the mole. She gave Castor the information in order to save Mark. She still loves him and wants to be with him.

Cosima quickly calls Delphine to call off the hit! Delphine is not pleased to hear from Cosima. Damn it all, it wasn't Shay. Now she has no excuse to get rid of her.  Delphine seems awfully tempted to continue.

In London, Sarah and Felix have arrived at Kendall Malone's house. Sarah is going in and Felix is going to stand watch. Felix promises he'll be there. Pissing his pants. We can't all be Delphines, Felix.

Felix has good reason to be nervous. Top Side is there and they're offing cabbies who deliver clones. Ferdinand aka Top Side aka Thomas Cromwell calls Delphine and gets her to admit that she's been keeping secrets: Sarah Manning has not been locked up at Dyad this whole time. So Delphine invites Ferdinand over to have a chat. "But first," she says, "You must take your shoes off when you come into my house." Or not.

Sarah has made her way into the house and finds herself face to face with Kendall Malone: and he's a she! And Kendall has bought a knife to a gunfight. She demands to know why Sarah is in her house. Just as it looks like things are about to go all OK Corraly, in walks Mrs. S. "Hello, Mother" she says. Kendall is Mrs. S's mom!

And it gets worse, she's the one who killed Mrs. S's love John. That's why she was a prisoner: serving time for the murder. And that's how Duncan met her. He was running tests on the inmates for "cancer research" when he discovered Kendall.

Duncan tested both men and women looking for a viable donor. And he found both in Kendall. She absorbed a male twin in the womb when she was formed. She's got "two cell lines." She is both Leda and Castor.

Needless to say, Mrs. S and Sarah are shocked. While Felix is desperately texting Sarah that Top Side has arrived, S sets to work getting ready to blow up the house and kill her own mother. Sarah thinks that maybe that's taking things too far. Especially, as Sarah points out, that not only is Kendall the Castor original. She's also the Leda Original. And that means she's coming with them.

Next time on the season finale of Orphan Black: Cosima confronts Shay about militarization,  all hell is breaking loose, Rudy is voting for Alison, and Rachel is not as free as she thought she was. 

Orphan Black Recap: Episode 9 "Insolvent Phantom of Tomorrow" Reviewed by Deborah Thompson on 2:03 AM Rating: 5

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