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Orphan Black Season 3 Finale Recap: "History Yet to Be Written"

She's a cold hearted Rachel, Look into her eyes, uh oh, she's been tellin lies. He's a Neo boy at play, he don't play by rules. uh oh. Delphine don't play the fool. 

Last time on Clone Club, many years ago, in season one, Professor Leekie was a pompous ass, Sarah packs Kira off to Iceland, Ferdinand loves getting dirty with Rachel, Rachel and Krystal swap places but not eyes, Delphine is cold as ice when Cosima asks for her help, Gracie's a big ol traitor, Rudy is glitching all over, and Mrs. S's mom is the Castor original.

As we start Clone Club, Rachel is having a freaky dream involving premonitions, flashbacks, and dark memories of both her parents who are now dead.

She wakes up to find herself in a very luxurious room, all alone. Love the ominous hourglass sitting next to Rachel's bed. Time's up Rachel. A Dear John letter from her doctor awaits her on the table. Rachel reads the letter and then removes her eye patch. Looks like she's a full blown real life Neolution member.

Away from Rachelside, it's Art!! Thank the bloody goodness he's there. We need some Art sensibility back in this crazy clone club. Awww... he got them a place to conduct their creepy clone experiments. And he's already leaving! That was not enough Art.

Scott has gotten busy erecting Loki's cell from the Helicarrier. That does not look like it could hold the Hulk. Perhaps it's good enough for Kendall. Mrs. S escorts in her mother, Kendall, in a teletubbies costume. Kendall does not care for the way she's been treated, but Mrs. S's baseball bat says she doesn't care and Kendall will pipe down if she knows what's good for her.

Sarah wants to know from Scott why she doesn't look anything like Kendall if she's the original donor. Scott says it's down to the two lines (Castor and Leda) combining. So is that what Mark and Sarah's children would look like if they - oh, wait, that's creepy and gross.

Things are about to boil over between S and Kendall but Sarah puts a stop to it. Hold fast Scotty, Sarah says, Cosima will be there shortly. Felix has a much more colorful message for Scott: "Gird your loins Scotty." Top Side and Castor are all likely to be a comin.

But first, Castor (aka Coady and Rudy) is making a pit stop at some murky U.S. Government agency where David works for "the Director" (see the American flag in the background). Rudy and Coady are having a terrible time trying to find Sarah and everyone she knows: except for one person. They're off to find the soccer mom!

And guess who is driving a big pink school bus! Alison! Unless she is purposefully acting as a diversion this is just about the worst error in judgment outside of that time she let her best friend be killed by a garbage disposal and oh yeah that time she decided to become a drug dealer. Your elected officials 'Merica!

Forget about Rudy, Tracy Flick Marci is there to have one last put down contest with Alison before the election. Good morning, Marci, you look like you could use a cupcake. Alison ignores Marci and keeps going with her election day activities: handing out free soap to potential voters. I believe the FEC will be calling soon.

Donnie and Helena, meanwhile, have wisely decided to stay at home. And Donnie has a surprise for Helena: Tow Truck Ted! Er Jesse Towing! Er... Jesse! What is the guy's last name? Helena is struck shy but very happy. Jesse seems to be happy to see her, too.

All is not as shiny on the homefront for Cosima and Shay. Cosima is there to apologize and make amends or at least offer explanations like "we work on secret science stuff." It doesn't seem to be enough to eclipse the fact that Delphine threatened to go all Fatal Attraction on Shay. Cosima is stunned to find out the lengths to which Delphine went. And Shay picks up the big kitchen knife! Are we sure about this girl yet?

Cosima questions Shay about why she omitted the fact that she's in the military and lied about what she does for a living. Shay pulls the classic guilty party technique of turning the tables: me a liar? You're a liar! Liar liar! You lied from the beginning Cosimaliar! Cosima wishes she could tell Shay all about herself but she can't bring herself to do it. Shay orders her to leave.

At Dyad, Ferdinand is in the house. He's got a little appointment with Delphine and he thinks he's about to lay down the law: he loved Rachel's brittleness (which is really just an overshare), he loves being under the heel of a woman (more too much sharing) and Delphine's going to deliver the original to him so he can have a seat at the Top Side Table (similar to Davinci's table in the Last Supper) and then he will put his heel on Delphine! How does she like that?

Delphine's not fazed. Because under her heel is a little surprise: Sarah's there. And she's the only one who's going to be making deals today. Ferdinand gets one chance at making the deal, and if you pick the wrong box, it's down the fun house chute slide for you. And it's not a pile of pillows waiting for you at the bottom. And oh by the way, that was totally Sarah, not Rachel when you got caught trying to bang her. This probably only increased Ferdinand's interest in Sarah.

Sarah says she will give Kendall (or at least her
DNA) to Top Side, but in exchange Top Side must eliminate Castor. Permanently. Delphine reveals to Ferdinand that Castor is trying to weaponize their pathogen. So they want Castor gone, but if Top Side turns on them, they're going to incinerate Kendall. Ferdinand calls their bluff, saying they wouldn't want to put the other Leda sisters in danger. But Sarah reveals she's immune: she doesn't care what happens to those girls. Wink wink nudge nudge say no more.

While those three are getting to know each other, Cosima has arrived to meet Kendall. Cosima tells Scott she's nervous and having hot flashes. Scott sure gets to learn a lot about women here on Leda Mountain. Mrs. S takes Cosima in to meet Kendall who is about as friendly as a Raptor from Jurassic World (who can talk and insult people). But Cosima is going in. She's going to try and make friends with Kendall. You know, that didn't work for Owen in Jurassic World either. But it works. Kendall agrees to give her "little sister", Cosima, some blood.

Meanwhile Sarah and Felix have tracked down Mark and Gracie with some help from Art. Sarah isn't sure what to do next, but badass Fe is. He hangs up on Art, bosses Sarah around, and kicks in the f-ing door. Now there's a Felix I can really get behind. Who am I kidding? Love you Felix! They bust in on Gracie and Mark who were once again shagging! Can't a guy finish? These two don't do much else. I guess he only has a few months to live so....

Sarah asks Mark for his help. They need to know
what Coady's next move is. Mark knows Coady isn't interested in a cure, and he knows he only has about six months left. Gracie urges him to just help Sarah.

Back at the compound, S is still doing her Principal Joe Clark impression, pacing around with a bat. Kendall complains that S hasn't even given her a bed or a bath. This elicits a maniacal laugh from S as she reveals, an acid bath! And it's for Kendall, to destroy her genetic material. Kendall scoffs, she thought S was going to kill her with a bat. But S had sheers in mind, like Kendall used to kill her John. Kendall claims John started the fight that lead to his death, and that he deserved it. Did the woman not see the acid bath? S promises Kendall she will go in that acid if anything goes sideways. I gotta say, matricide doesn't look all that appealing on Mrs. S.

Also not appealing? Krystal stuck in an induced coma masquerading as Rachel. Delphine and Dr. Nealon are in checking up on her. Nealon promises to have her moved so as to keep her "safe" from Ferdinand. Uh huh. Right.

He finally leaves and Delphine is about to leave when she catches a glance at Rachel's nails. They seem a bit too "posh" (as in the Spice Girl) for Rachel. It's at this moment that Krystal wakes up and accidentally clocks Delphine. (Somewhere Shay cheers.)

After much frantic gesticulating, yelling, and nurse buzzing Delphine discerns that it is in fact Krystal in the bed and not Rachel. She quickly moves the eye patch and confirms that it is indeed our favorite manicurist.

Delphine tries to tell her that it's okay but Krystal does not agree. At all. She is also very alarmed by the oxygen tube in her nose. She wants to know, dammit, why weird things keep happening to her!

Delphine can only roll her eyes in disbelief. These clone seestras are making her earn every last penny of that cushy Dyad salary.

While Krystal is slightly relieved to know that she can in fact see, Rachel is trying out her new Neolution Eye. And she doesn't know what to believe. She's saying words, spotting finches, and she doesn't know what the hell is going on.  But she's still not getting any answers.

Meanwhile, it's love in the afternoon for Helena and Jesse Tow Truck (Is that hyphenated do you
think? Tow-Truck?) Helena is regaling him with tales of her escape from a Mexican black site and he's loving it. "Much moly." To sum up: seestra is broken free, S is Helena's new mother, and now Helena live at Alison's while she make soap and teach children karate.

Then she jumps his bones. Jesse's going to be her first, and Helena reveals that she has science baby inside her. And Jesse does not care. But then it's coitus interruptus (well, they didn't quite get that far). Helena's clone phone is ringing. She got a phone!

Helena tells Jesse she's sorry, but she has to go help her family. He understands and promises to wait for her.

Donnie and Alison have finished voting and I'm assuming they both voted for Alison. We'll have to ask Donnie later to verify whether or not this really happened.

Also there? Rudy. Is he going to vote Republican or Democrat? Or perhaps he's just a poll watcher, you know, the guys that keep everyone in line, make sure they follow voting rules. Such as no campaigning at the voting place! Apparently in Alison's neighborhood, these are not rules to follow.

Back at Clone Compound, S's acid bath is coming along swimmingly. Poor Kendall has to stand there and watch her prepare it. But not for long. Sarah is back with Mark and Felix. And they have a plan.

Mark's brother Rudy, meanwhile, is still tailing Donnie and Alison who have now boarded the pink campaign bus of fun! Donnie urges Alison to get going, but it doesn't appear they've noticed Rudy, who sneaks into the stereotypical serial killer white van. What? They were all out of government issue Ted Bundy VW Bug?

Oh, so Donnie does know what's going on. He's texted Sarah that Rudy is tailing them. They expected Rudy to go after their "weak" link: Alison. Yeah, again, not as weak as you think. S doesn't like it, and she doesn't like Mark.

Not to worry, S. The plan involves Sarah punching Mark in the face. Twice. That should make her feel better.

Alison and Donnie are still being tailed by Rudy. So they lead him to their house!! Whaaat? Okay? I guess? Alison gets out of the bus and heads into her house without any backup.

It may not be a problem after all as Rudy is now seriously glitching. He enters the garage of death, pain and torture (seriously how many bad things have happened in there?) where a wicked Helena awaits him. She has a screwdriver taped to her wrist. She was hoping to see Rudy again. Helena wants a Prison Rules fight: only one person leaves alive. I know who I would put a million dollars on and it's not Princess Vanellope.

Rudy turns down the tape for his knife. Helena tells him he will regret it when she slices his bicep. No truer words have ever been spoken.

While the real Rudy is getting his ass kicked (we hope), Mark is calling Dr. Coady pretending to be Rudy. He's got blood smeared all over his face and tells Coady he got into a fight with Helena. He also shows her Kendall, and tells Coady where to meet him. It's a mean impression, and Coady falls for it. If Mark has any regrets about that call, he sure doesn't seem to show it.

Rudy may, however, be regretting the decision to go "no tape." Helena is quickly disposing of him and yes, he gets a screwdriver through the bicep. She did tell him. Rudy is not long for it now. Whether it is the glitch, or Helena, he is pretty much done. And so is Coady. Virginia, meet Ferdinand. Top Side has arrived. And just like that Castor is all taken care of. We hope?

Rudy is slowly dying and Helena lies down beside him to see him into the next world. He decides to share stories about when he was a child with his brothers. It puts a smile on his face as he recalls all his brothers sleepwalking together to pile in the corner and sleep on top of each other like puppies. This reminds Helena of when she was nine.....and forced to kill a puppy. Perhaps not the best death side manner ever, Helena. This makes Rudy think they were all just like Helena. They had a purpose, but Helena reminds him he is a man who poisons and rapes women. There will be no absolution from Seestra Helena today.

Everything seems squared away with Castor so S decides it's time for a family pow-wow. S wants Kendall to help Sarah understand who she is. I'm not even sure I follow the biology, but according to S, Kendall is Sarah's clone sister so that makes Kira Kendall's niece.

Kendall reveals that five or six years after Duncan "harvested" her he returned and told her everything he had done. He confessed that he was in fear for his life - that he thought Neolution was after him. Duncan believed Neolution had gotten to everything, including his wife, Susan.

Duncan had managed, however, to hide Kendall from everyone, including Susan. He needed Kendall's help to hide, and to help him save a clone outside it all who was lost in the foster system.

So Kendall steered Duncan to S so that she could help him. She wanted S to have Sarah because she was S's blood too. It was all Kendall had left
of her life to give S. Excuse me while I go and find a kleenex somewhere. This show of motherly love is enough to break through S's tough veneer. Just in time for Ferdinand to arrive.

On the flipside of Top Side, Delphine has Nealon in a virtual fishtank somewhere under the sea. But Nealon doesn't Flounder, even when Delphine reveals that she knows that Rachel flew to Austria as Krystal Goderich where she checked into a hospital and disappeared.

Doctor Nealon suddenly goes all monologuing villain on us, telling Delphine she will never understand anything unless she adjusts her frame. By this he apparently means the big TV screen behind him which is not a fishbowl after all. Delphine turns it on and sees Rachel tooling slowly around that same room in her "speedster." She should've gone with the Cougar 9000.

Nealon reveals that he's not part of Top Side or
the military. He is Neolution. They steer it all, he says. Delphine dismisses this having met Freakie Leekie. But Leekie was just a front, Neolution is much deeper than that. Since Day 1, Neolution has been running the show, with Castor and Leda as their Adam and Eve.

While Nealon keeps monologuing, Ferdinand has arrived to see Kendall with his usual smarmy arrogance, telling S he is a big fan. Big Fan capital F. Ferdinand assures Kendall that his man will be "gentle" with her in taking her samples. Gentle like Helena with Rudy.

Nealon tells Delphine that Top Side will unwittingly deliver the genome right into their hands. And that whatever she's thinking about the science, she's definitely wrong. And - I'm sorry, is Rachel stuck in the corner? Could someone go back her up? So distracting.

Anyway, Delphine doesn't believe the shit that is coming out of Nealon's mouth. (Oh, just wait
Delphine). Delphine declines to be a part of Neolution. She heads out for the guards when - What the fuck was coming out of him? I literally just stopped typing. I could not type. Okay. What the hell is that little alien dude doing in Nealon's mouth?

Nealon started chewing on something causing a LIVE worm to come dripping out of his mouth. He's about to drop it into Delphine's mouth having wrestled her onto a table when she blows him away. Thank god she had a gun.

Nealon is down, but little alien wormy von gross is still wiggling around. Nealon swallows the - UGH! - worm. And good news everyone, Rachel is okay. She's made it back around the bed and into the - oh crap. She's stuck in the other corner now. What is with this girl?
Nealon tells Delphine that she won't live til morning. And neither will he apparently, going off to death quicker than Delphine.

Oh god, Delphine, she's taking out the worm. I guess we need that. Okay. She's also calling Sarah. Delphine tells Sarah that she can't give the genetic material to Ferdinand (who's being a creepy creepster and lurking over Sarah's shoulder). Delphine tells Sarah that both Leda and Castor are run by Neolution. Ferdinand is just a pawn to get Neolution the genome.

Time to play we trust Ferdinand! Delphine urges Sarah to tell him that Rachel is alive, and that Neolution has her.

Ferdinand can't believe what he's hearing, but knows immediately who to neutralize: the torture master gollum he brought with him. And Ferdinand has found a bat. He confides that he hates Neolutionists, I mean like really really really like five bat swings to the head hates them.

Ferdinand beats the gollum to mostly dead (I'm not dead!) and then rants some more about how much he hates Neolutionists. It's Ferdinand to the rescue. He quickly realizes that they can't hand over the genetic material now.

And he's going to put the not yet dead guy in the acid bath! Dammit, S, why didn't you pull the plug when you were done?

Ferdinand urges them to hide Kendall
somewhere, that he will be in touch, and that they might want to "push off now" because he's about to drop a not yet dead guy!! into an acid bath. "Oh stop whining." Welcome to Clone Club Ferdinand.

So Sarah and gang go to Alison's campaign dinner party at the pink palace, Bubbles. And Art's there! Along with Helena, Felix, Cosima, Scott, and Donnie. Alison gets the call: she's been elected! It's champaign soap bubbles all around.

Shay is having a pity party all by herself at home. But she's not alone for long. Her favorite single white female Delphine is there. She's not necessarily there to apologize, but to tell Shay she won't stand in the way of her and Cosima.

Delphine gives Shay a Dyad card to give to Cosima and asks Shay to tell Cosima that Delphine said to tell Shay everything. But only if Cosima wants to. Delphine leaves Shay who discovers numbers written on the back of the card: 324B21. Anyone?

The party is still in full whatever back at Bubbles. Helena wants sugar, Donnie tries to
give a pregnant woman wine, and Scott is boring everyone with talk of phenotypes. I agree. The
epigenetic implications themselves are just mind-blowing, Cosima. Now excuse me why I go look up what all of that means.

Felix thankfully urges civilian Donnie to say something understandable. "The frickin' beef is the bomb!" There we go. Thank you Donnie. Our brains can relax now.

Sarah and Art share a quiet moment before Sarah raises a glass in toast to Beth. And then Helena piles on to the toast and adds to "her seestra and to Kira's little face." Alison is urged by everyone to give a speech, and it's very sweet. She thanks the "seestras" for their bravery, for protecting them, and for making them feel normal. Donnie gives Alison a big kiss when she thanks him for putting up with her. So, time to save room for the "ethnic cake," says Alison. Helena informs Alison it's a Babka cake. You can't beat a Babka cake!

As the toasts are winding down, Cosima gets buzzed by Delphine. She is waiting outside Bubbles to talk to Cosima. Cosima invites her in, but Delphine says she can't stay. She wants Cosima to take care of the genome, and keep Kendall safe.

Cosima is pretty sure S has got that covered. She apologizes to Delphine for forcing her to make hard choices and then getting mad at her when she did. It's a bittersweet moment as Delphine is clearly on her way out.

With tears in her eyes, Delphine pulls Cosima into one last kiss. Holy Babka cakes this is depressing. Delphine tells Cosima to give her sisters all her love, and then she's gone.

It's a quick trip back to Dyad's parking garage for Delphine. And there's a scary person lurking in the background. Why would you go to a parking garage at Dyad, Delphine? Why?

She knows the game is up, and turns to confront the person behind her. Delphine is not at all surprised to see whomever it is. Please blurt out a name, please blurt out a name... Delphine asks, "What will happen to her?" And gets a gunshot wound to the stomach for an answer.

The shooter slowly walks towards Delphine as we fade to black. Ahhh! Not cool at all.

As Delphine bleeds out Rachel sits in frustrated silence when Charlotte enters, the little clone girl
who was being raised by Marion Bowles back in Season 2. Apparently Marion is no longer available because Charlotte tells Rachel she is going to be Charlotte's new mom. And guess who told her that? Professor Duncan. Say what?

But it's not that Professor Duncan. It's Susan Duncan, Rachel's mother. In one fell swoop Rachel has gotten the child she always wanted and the mother she thought she had lost forever. Babka cakes all around!

Do they have Babka cakes in Iceland? Cause we're going to need some there, too. Sarah comes flying in with S and Kendall on snowmobiles in what has to be the coolest entrance ever as Kira comes running out to meet her mom. Kendall's still bitching about everything.

But it doesn't matter. Sarah is back with Kira. And they're rolling around in the snow. Sarah says she has someone she wants Kira to meet, but first she is going to stare at her for as long as she can.

See you in 2016 Clone Club!

Watch Episode 10 on Amazon Instant Video.
Orphan Black Season 3 Finale Recap: "History Yet to Be Written" Reviewed by Deborah Thompson on 11:22 PM Rating: 5

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