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Sleepy Hollow Recap: Bones Crossover

It's the Bones - Sleepy Hollow crossover none of us ever knew we were waiting for! I must confess, I have never watched Bones before tonight so you'll have to excuse my lack of knowledge when it comes to the characters and the show. Just think of me as Ichabod Crane having just awoken to the modern world: Bones & Booth mean nothing to me. They might as well be a brand of whisky for all I know.

So off we go - first to the world of Bones! It's Halloween and once again Charlie Brown's bag is full of rocks instead of candy. Wait, that's on the other channel. Here on FOX we're combining science with the supernatural: Abbie's FBI meets Seeley's FBI.  The bones whisperer meets the ghost whisperer. Here's hoping the Bones-Booth showmance rubs off on Ichabbie! (Even David Boreanaz wants them to get together!)

Let's get this party started - at an old run down church. Two fraters are decking the place out for a sick Halloween party: $5 cover, check your soul at the door! And they know just the place to put the keg: right on top of the dead body hidden under some moldy floorboards. These guys are committed to the Halloween experience until one falls through the floor and lands right next to the body. Help!

Meanwhile, at Bones and Booth's place, she's making fake brains out of jello and he's touting the use of candy for Halloween. Bones plays an epic trick on Booth when she manages to convince him that the fake brain he just ate was real as shit brains. While guffawing over her joke, Bones gets a call: time to go check out the body at the church.

The Bones team is in place, already examining what appears to be a female corpse. Katrina? It does bear a resemblance but... has blonde hair. While examining the body they find an iron coffin underneath. Inside are the remains of Abraham the Headless Horseman! (Or at least it appears to be). Kat and Braham reunited in death. Booth, not being privy to the world of Sleepy Hollow, makes a guess that it is a British soldier of some sort. Our diagnosis is confirmed when one of Bones' crew knocks the jack-o-lantern right into the coffin, landing where the head should be. Happy Halloween!

The crew gets the bodies back to the lab where they diagnose the male skeleton as a six-foot-tall man, wearing a real red coat uniform. They're struggling with the cause of death (other than the obvious missing head). The other skeleton is a Study in Pink: she's all matchy matchy and perfectly coifed. Hold that thought, Sherlock, it quickly becomes apparent that this girl's clothes are more of a costume than reality: science reveals she had piercings and magenta hair. The corpse is actually Sarah Lippman, missing medical student.

Booth makes his way to Sarah's medical school where they discover she'd recently changed her appearance to try and look more like a doctor. Booth tells her boyfriend, Joel, also a med student the bad news. Joel's overly pushy friend seems concerned as well. Under questioning, Joel reveals they were an odd couple: she dark and moody, he a good Catholic boy. There's just no reason under the sun Joel can come up with why she would've been killed.

A search of Sarah's locker (in the dark with flashlights? did the hospital suddenly forget to pay it's bills?) reveals a grimoire! Sarah was a witch? The book has the same symbol on it that was on headless's iron coffin. Booth, thinking on his feet, figures out the connection. Meanwhile, at the lab, Bones' crew have figured out the British soldier was a high ranking officer. Bones also recognizes the symbol on the book as the Nordic rune Uruz. She, too, like Ichabod, knows much about ancient cultures. Speak of the devil! Did somebody say Uruz? Crane and Abbie are here to save the day.

Bones and Hodgins don't know what to make of the duo leading to this awesome exchange:

Hodgins: Is there a cosplay competition going on that I wasn't invited to?
Crane: Do I look as though I have just beamed from the planet Vulcan?

Fantastic. Abbie gives Crane a look before he can go off on one of his Sugarbaker colonial rants, and introduces herself as Agent Abbie Mills of the FBI and Ichabod Crane of the Hudson Valley Hysterical Historical Society (HVHS peeps!). We're gonna need a better cover than that, Crane. How about professor of archaeology at Marshall College? Abbie says they're going to need those headless bones, it's part of a Sleepy Hollow investigation. Bones takes umbrage at being asked to turn over the headless body and asserts her jurisdiction leading to a tense standoff. Don't cross the streams shows!

Back at Booth's office, Agent Aubrey has been going through the Sleepy Hollow files (not to be confused with the X-files) and has discovered an alarming number of deaths by decapitation. Booth says they're going to have to help Abbie whether Bones likes it or not. Bones, meanwhile, is showing Crane into her lab named the Jeffersonian, eliciting a smirk and snarky comment from Crane. Bones wants to know why Crane cares so much about the bones. Crane says it's not the why that matters but the who. Crane reveals the corpse to be Abraham Van Brunt, as we suspected. He forgets to mention the part about how he, Ichabod, is the man who killed Van Brunt. Many times.

Bones says not so fast. The corpse is the same age as Abraham, but this corpse has recently had his head chopped off with a modern saw. Ms. Montenegro appears with a reconstruction of the head based on.... uh.... his body structure and DNA? Sure! She pops up the composite on the screen and is attempting to match it with historical portraits when the conversation veers off into shipper land. Bones is a closet Ichabbie supporter! She mistakenly deduces Crane and Abbie are lovers. When Crane denies this, Bones recommends he hook up with Abbie saying it's been great for her and Booth and has improved their professional life! Go Bones!

While Crane is frozen, his brain exploding with the idea of he and Abbie consummating, they hit on a match for the reconstruction. It's not Abraham: it is General William Howe, commander of the British forces and all around asshole. He was supposedly buried in England, but here he is. It's a mystery which must be solved!

Back at Sarah's apartment, our Nancy Drew looking victim, Booth and Abbie are feeling each other out. He wants to know why she applied for the FBI three years ago and withdrew her name, she wants to know why he quit last year and now is back. Take that! Abbie finds a hammer in the victim's closet and Booth finds a saw, with General Howe's redcoat material on it. Ruh roh.

At the lab, Crane is looking at the grimoire. He tells the Bones crew that he thinks it is actually the infamous Librum Sub Umbras: a Middle Ages book with lots of fun recipes for things like necromancy. Great Ash! Turns out there are secret messages hidden on the page that only light up when you hold it near a candle including a verse that says the book holds the secret to how the witness will get the power to raise the dead. Our resident witness, Crane, says he needs access to more resources to figure this out. Wouldn't you know it? Turns out the Jeffersonian has more old papers than you could ever imagine. Crane is in pure bliss. He's going to need that high, because Dr. Saroyan has figured out Sarah was dead before she was dead. Looks like Zombie Sarah was trying to raise herself from the dead.

Booth thinks maybe Sarah was a druggie who OD'd and had one of her med school pals revive her. There's nothing to show drug use, but there is a little matter of $250 Sarah dropped on a bottle of champagne. The FBI needs to find out what she was celebrating while the Bones crew have figured out that Sarah may have been beaten to death with General Howe's skull. Oh, and she fell on something sharp. Or at least I think that's what they said. It was a lot of doctor speak and I have no medical background, just normal recapper abilities.

Abbie has made good use of her time and gone to the bar for mid-day drinks. Actually she was checking into that champagne. At this point, Booth does some name dropping: turns out he knew Sheriff Corbin. Booth reveals that Corbin thought he and Abbie were a lot alike, and that Abbie would make a great agent. "But?" says Abbie. Try not to think you have to save the world all in one day, says Seeley. Oh, Mr. Booth, you have no idea. Abbie reveals that she found out Sarah was out with a dark haired guy that night, not Joel her boyfriend. Time to get creepy Joel friend in for questioning.

Mr. Friend denies he had an affair with Sarah, says he's gay, and that oh by the way he was really sick as a kid. This is relevant because he bonded with Sarah over the fact that her sister died young. Apparently Sarah and conspicuously gay friend Kiefer had their own Flatliners club. He stopped her heart, then restarted it so she could find out what happens in the afterlife. They also brought in Howe's head for good luck, a yucky rabbit's foot. Sarah saw her sister in the afterlife who said, "Move on!" So they did and forgot all about the skull.

Back in the lab, we interrupt more Ichabbie shipping with news that a swab of Sarah's skull reveals, god help me, some kind of chemical that you would find in an anatomy room. The crew head back to the hospital, which is still without power. Must be run by the same generator FOX used for the World Series. They really should invest more in their infrastructure. The crew is looking for blood splatters like from a live body. Sarah's body. And they find it on the ceiling.

At the Jeffersonian, Crane finds Bones examining Sarah's remains. When he suggest that Sarah's sister's death may have compelled her to seek out the hereafter Bones goes off on a rant about how the afterlife doesn't exist, it's just a nice fairy tale. That fairy tale has tried to kick Ichabod's ass several times but he keeps his purgatory knowledge to himself. Instead,  he shares a letter he's found in the archives from General Washington ordering the remains of General Howe to be entombed in Sleepy Hollow. Bones isn't buying it, observing the letter's handwriting doesn't match Washington's signature. Crane says perhaps he was dictating! Oh, shut up, says Bones. Crane says, no, really, the handwriting will match that of one of Washington's trusted advisors *cough cough* Crane *cough cough*. Bones isn't handing over the body until she authenticates it.

While Bones and Crane face off, her crew is going through medical waste to find clues to Sarah's death including General Howe's head. gag. Someone tell me when it's over so I can start recapping again. There's the skull! Thank god. At FBI headquarters, Booth is fielding angry calls from Bones who wants Crane deported post haste. Too late. They've already tried that.

The lab results are in on some vials they found along with Howe's skull: it has chemicals in it from the night Sarah died. And the person who wrote the script for her to get the drugs? Dr. John Cruz, head of the medical student program. You know, that guy we met for like two minutes at the beginning of the show.

Ponder that, while we see Bones get even more frustrated: turns out Ichabod's letter is real, but they also know that he wrote it. It matches writing Crane just made on that book of spells. Bones doesn't understand, how could Crane have written ta 250-year-old letter unless he can time travel? How are you going to get out of that one, Crane? Hmm?

Meanwhile, Dr. Cruz has been hauled in for questioning about the drugs he got for Sarah: verapamil and calcium chloride. (Thank you closed captioning!). Sarah was apparently trying for another near death experience. Cruz (who was also not sleeping with her but also not gay) was found out by Sarah who discovered he had been drinking prior to a surgery. She was blackmailing him to get the drugs. It's always the victim's fault. He maybe didn't kill Sarah, but he sure didn't help.

Bones is doing a little interrogating of her own, confronting Crane about the letter. He goes all William Jefferson Clinton on her denying while not denying that he wrote the letter. Bones quotes Sherlock to try and make sense of it all, "If you eliminate all other possibilities whatever remains must be the truth." Crane is a Holmes fan, too! They laugh but Bones still won't release the body: the skull is now their murder weapon. Bones can't figure out where one of Howe's teeth went as it appears to have been knocked out during the murder. Crane points out the teeth were porcelain, so Bones figures out it would've shattered during the murder, injuring the murderer's hand.

Said murderer is now apparently Joel, the boyfriend? It has to be, because this time he's facing Abbie and Booth in the interrogation room. His cells were found on the tooth. Abbie and Booth have figured out that all the changes Sarah was making in her life were because of the near death experience she had, so she decided Joel should go through the same thing. Abbie brings up Frank Irving, trying to relate her friend's "near death" walking corpse experience to Joel.

When pressed, Joel reveals that he lost his faith after the experience because there was nothing there when he went to the afterlife. He saw nothing. And it made him so mad he beat Sarah to death with General Howe's skull. Murder mystery solved. Abbie, Crane, Bones, and Booth head to a bar to celebrate: Abbie with a coffee,  Crane with a fruity drink, sex on the beach. Or as Benjamin Franklin called it, "Fondled in the Forest." Bones and Booth depart from their new friends. Alls well that ends well, amiright?

On to Sleepy Hollow!! Where a mail courier is driving General Howe's corpse down a windy road to Storybrook when his radio starts to go out. As he tries to fix it, Pandora pops up into the road, causing him to swerve and crash. She then chokes him and tells him to run away so she can steal Howe's body and bring it back to life with a bunch of maggots. Blech. Howe looks about like you would expect having been made of maggots. Pandy's got an assignment for him: raise your army of the undead and go after Americans and the man who tried to end your life: Ichabod Crane.

In Sleepy Hollow, Abbie, Crane, Joe and Jenny are celebrating Halloween at a bowling alley. The group is giving Crane crap for not wearing a costume. He scoffs. He's John Adams! All up in your faces! Abbie would laugh, but she notices Little Bo Peep aka Miss Corinth aka Zoe aka Stands With a Text. She is also celebrating at the bowling alley. Abbie sends Ichabod over to talk to Zoe who, it turns out, is dressed up as Betsy Ross, another of Crane's paramours. She's Betsy Ross in her Victoria's Secret stage. She invites him to "bowl a frame" with her later. While Crane is bragging of his Zoe conquest to the gang and decrying the perversion of Halloween from its Celtic origins, he gets a text that Howe's body is missing.

Meanwhile, in a cemetery, some young adults have decided the best way to kill time before Halloween is to desecrate graves and trespass in a mausoleum. Of course, they take a wrong turn into dead man walking alley where General Howe is on guard. He breaks open one of the tombs unleashing a fully armed zombie army. Whose bright idea was it to bury these guys with their flintlocks? Back at the scene of the corpse stealing, Ichabod and Abbie have figured out Pandora was the one who took Howe. All that's left are some tracks heading away.

Abbie and Crane arm themselves and follow the footprints into our desecrated cemetery. (That's gotta beat bowling with Zoe, right Crane?) Crane recognizes the mausoleum as one the Americans built to bury the British dead after the Battle of Manhattan. Perhaps inspired by the graveyard, Abbie uses this moment to bring up Crane's dead wife, and says she must be the reason he hasn't asked Zoe out on a date yet. Before she can get any further, they find the empty tomb no zombies. Just Cody, one of your cemetery desecraters, left for dead. And then here come the zombies. Howe orders them to attack.

Abbie and Crane open fire only to discover their weapons don't do any damage, and what damage they do immediately gets repaired by the maggots. Run away! Abbie and Crane scram. They run in and out of doors until they finally get the zombies to take a wrong turn outside. The chase has taken so long, the sun is up. The bright light is not good for zombies, and causes them to turn to dust.

Abbie heads in to FBI headquarters and talks with Agent Reynolds. He reveals that he's been working a big operation bent on stopping terrorists from getting their hands on antiquities. Agent Reynolds thinks Abbie's just the woman to head up the task force. When Abbie balks about taking the job, she has a lot on her plate right now, Reynolds throws Crane in her face, but Abbie reassures him she's focused on the FBI.

At the archives, Crane's having a freakout about General Howe. Abbie joins him and Crane complains that he used to really like the guy. Abbie reminds him that Howe then became evil so we're not supposed to like him anymore. He knows he knows, Abbie. Then Crane remembers that one time at Revolutionary War Camp that General Washington sent him to kill Howe.

Crane found Howe camped out in a patriot's townhouse after the British had taken over Manhattan. Crane confronted him with a gun, giving Howe the choice of cake or death. Howe opted for choice number three: He called out Crane, saying he didn't think Crane had the guts to kill him. Ichabod hesitated long enough for the rescue party to arrive and save Howe. Crane regrets he didn't have the courage to mow down Howe, preventing the loss of more American lives.

That's fine Crane, but let's get out of wallowing in our misery and focus on what Howe was doing right before you chickened out on killing him. He was examining a stone with a Nordic emblem. The same stone Pandy threw on Howe at the beginning of the show. You know, right before she added the maggots. It also has a picture of a dead man walking on it: a draugur (not to be confused with a dragur from Skyrim). Draugurs are people who signed up for the army in this life and beyond. Bad news. They're unstoppable. But they are nocturnal so at least you get a break during the day.

Washington has left a note in Crane's monster book telling the team that the methods of how to beat the Army of Draugur's is in Howe's "primal" tomb. It's time to use the FBI's forensic scientists again to track down the tomb using Howe's bones. If not, Halloween is going to turn into a very ugly night, with lots of people dead in the streets thanks to the undead army.

Blissfully unaware of this are Jenny and Joe. They're hanging out in Jenny's trailer down by the artifacts. Joe and Jenny are what can only be called flirting. Jenny has managed to track down the man who is after the Shard of Anubis (remember that storyline?). It's none other than Atticus Nevins. And Joe knows him. He's a friend of the late Sheriff Corbin's. Joe breaks out the family photo albums and finds a pick of Atticus and Corbin together. Jenny thinks Corbin might have been using her as a shell to make money (sounding an awful lot like the scheme Agent Reynolds was describing to Abbie when talking about the task force). This is going to require some more sleuthing.

While Abbie's away, the Zoe will play, posting pics of Crane on her Instagram account. We catch Ichabod lurking through Miss Corinth's IG account on his phone. Abbie calls him out on it but he denies it. Says Zoe girl told him to check out her "Instant Gram" account. Apparently he's been "tagged." Abbie says, "Like I said, pure lurk." lol lol lol After some eyerolling, Abbie demands to know what they're going to do about finding Howe's tomb. Crane suggests they use their new friends Bones and Booth to help. It's back to the Jeffersonian where Abbie and Crane interrupt Booth and Bones on their way home to trick or treat with their kids.

Bones gladly stays behind and examines the bones Crane has brought. While she's at it, she takes time to insult the founding fathers and Thomas Jefferson for their lack of scientific knowledge. Crane wants to know how she can dismiss love and art pointing out her love for Booth must be more than just sex. Bones says lust is a large part of their love. Before Crane can comment further, the computer is back with an answer: the founding fathers used a tomb that was constructed in the Capitol building for Washington for Howe's burial site. Crane is dashing off, but Bones trips him up demanding to be included in the Scooby Gang's exploits.

Meanwhile, Abbie is trying to dodge Booth's questions about what she's really up to. He tells her because she was Corbin's protege he would have her back, even if she's up to no good. Crane and Bones arrive to give them the good news that they're all going to investigate together. And they're off!

Over in sideplot filler hell, Jenny and Joe are staking out a place to try and find Atticus, Corbin's possible co-dealer of antiquities. Jenny sees the Anubis stealing girl and she and Joe head over to confront her. But the gal is quick, pulling a gun on the two. Joe plays let's make a deal, promising the Shard of Anubis in exchange for a sit-down with Atticus. Our gun toting gal is all in, even though Jenny isn't. Joe promises nothing bad will happen, but Jenny's got a big ol scoff for him, and storms off.

Back in DC, Mr. Crane has gone to the Senate, leading Abbie, Bones and Booth into the underground chambers of the Capitol building where some locked doors await them. Crane's Masonic ring is the key, literally, as it fits in the hole in the door, opening the path into a chamber. Bones is having a grand old time and spots similar markings on a tomb that was on Howe's coffin. Booth, while complaining to Abbie how weird this all is, accidentally sets off a booby trap of sorts, bringing down a wall that splits the couples up. Crane and Bones are trapped on one side, with Abbie and Booth on the other. Oh, and Bones and Crane are on the wrong side of things: the blue fire coming down from the ceiling side of things. Bones figures out the fire is napalm while Booth figures out the best way to get in? Shoot up the door with your gun.

It works, and the door is lifted extinguishing the fire. Bones is all aflutter, overly excited about the archaeological find and ready to dig in. Booth just wants out, and takes Bones and leaves, telling Abbie and Crane to come with him. Sorry, Booth, but that's not how we do things in the SH. It's all good though. Or is it? The good news is Crane says he's figured out how to defeat the undead army. The bad news is it requires burning Sleepy Hollow to the ground.

Abbie says, what's so bad? So they get a little Napalm and go a little Full Metal Jacket. Crane looks at her like she's crazy. He says the fire underground was Greek Fire, kind of like Napalm except it burns forever and can't be extinguished by sand or water. An eternal flame of the worst sort.

Rossback! Crane remembers running into Betsy in the tunnels during the Invasion of Manhattan. He was fleeing from his failed assassination attempt of Howe, she was leading a group of patriot refugees off the island. Through tunnels. Built under the Hudson?? Crane wants to chat, but Ms. Ross has no time for him. Iron Man is flying into the city with a nuke strapped to his back that he's going to put into a worm hole to save the city. Or rather, countermeasures are coming against the British, and it's going to be bad. And it was. It turned into the Great Fire of New York (1776) in which fire destroyed 10 to 25 percent of the city. The cause was never discovered........until now. It had to be Greek Fire coming out of a kickass crossbow shot by Betsy Ross. Abbie rule out the total destruction option so it's back to the drawing board.

In Sleepy Hollow, trick or treating is underway and one little girl has the misfortune to run into Pandora. She looks like she's straight out of the Capital in the Hunger Games, her face distorted and her eyes glowing yellow. The little girl wisely screams and runs away. Pandy turns away and meets up with Zombie Howe, ordering him to attack and slaughter as soon as the sun goes down.

Back at the archives, Jenny and Joe have mixed up some Greek fire, a couple of Cheirosiphones (they have limited minutes for talking and no family share plan), and are ready to go. The plan is to lure the zombies into the tunnels and then bbq them with the Greek fire. Crane's going to play nanny nanny boo boo with Zombie Howe and get him to chase him into the tunnels. The other zombies will follow and boom, no more undead army.

The zombie army is making it's march down Main Street and most folks think it's just some kind of Halloween parade. Just as the zombies are about to deliver a lot more than candy and shoot the good people of SH, Abbie and Crane arrive on the scene, their car taking the full brunt of the blasts. For good measure, Abbie hops out and starts firing away at the zombies. They get the crowd evacuated as Crane challenges Howe to a duel. I thought he was supposed to get him to chase him? Oh, okay, he's off to the tunnels after one last taunt to Howe.

Howe follows, of course, and so do the rest of the zombies. Crane looks cornered but Joe and Jenny are there to fire 'em up. Abbie's got one of them fancy phones as well and saves Crane's ass from a zombie. Howe's still alive, however. Crane says he's ready to end it all, but Howe beats him to it, stepping into the Greek fire and taking his own life.

Pandora watches all this go down from her pensieve. She's not too terribly upset because Howe's zombie army did what it was supposed to: generate enough fear to open another bloom on the tree of death she's growing. Next week she's changing things up: she needs love for this last bloom to blossom.

Abbie and Crane, meanwhile, are couples Skyping with their new besties. Bones wants Crane to come help her excavate Washington's tomb, but Ichabod politely declines. Maybe another time, like, oh, say next season when we do this all over again? Seeing Bones and Booth happily together apparently has Abbie wanting the same for Ichabod. She urges him to call Zoe. Ms. Mills, not in your best interest! Ichabod seizes the moment and calls Zoe, asking her on a date with him for the evening.

But don't worry, Abbie's not alone. She's been summoned to Agent Reynold's office. It's definitely not all hearts and roses, though. Reynolds is there to read Abbie the riot act because he's just found out Jenny and Joe are meeting with the very people he's trying to bring down. He demands to know from Abbie just what the hell is going on?

And that's where they leave us hanging! What did you think of the crossover? Should they do it again? Sound off in the comments below!

Sleepy Hollow Recap: Bones Crossover Reviewed by Deborah Thompson on 12:01 AM Rating: 5

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