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Sleepy Hollow Recap: Novus Ordo Seclorum

Oh no no no no no no no no no no! And I thought two dark ones on OUAT, Droughtlander, no Sherlock until 2016, and Hayley Atwell leaving Twitter were bad. They all seem woefully underwhelming after tonight's winter finale of Sleepy Hollow. How I long for the good old days of recapping unnecessary Bones crossovers! Proceed with caution, your little heart may not survive the night.

When last we saw Jenny she was helping out the Evil Witch Pandora (not a member of the Lollypop Guild) who had just brought a new and terrifying thing into the world. As we start tonight's episode, it's baptism Sleepy Hollow style at what looks like the falls next to Crane's old tomb from the pilot episode. I don't like things that come full circle, but Pandy doesn't care.

While Jenny is comatose on the bank of the falls, Pandora unwraps a very nasty early Christmas present. And he's not too happy to be here, complaining about how terrible this world is. Ichabod didn't even complain that much when he woke up. Also awake now? Jenny. Just in time to hear Pandy and her new friend agree that they need to test the witnesses usefulness. Now.

One witness is already being tested. Abbie is quickly losing her patience as she meets with Agent Reynolds and Agent Sophie, the woman who was undercover with Nevins. Abbie's a little defensive, telling Reynolds the operation wouldn't have been blown if he had trusted her enough to tell her about Sophs here. Sophie wants to know why Nevins wanted Jenny and, oh, by the way, where the hell is Jenny? Abbie doesn't know, and if she did, she wouldn't say.

Crane and Joe have a little bit better idea where Jenny might be having found her SUV in the woods. They can tell she took off on foot unarmed which is not like Jenny at all. They've figured out Jenny is probably with Pandora and Joe's all, "Bring it on!" He wants to have a few words with Miss Pandy. So does Abbie who comes marching up still looking pissed off. The trio heads into the woods.

They better hurry it up because Pandora, in her best Kinght's Tale outfit,  is reciting love poems to her ugly ass mummy boyfriend she just brought back from the dead while he plays "light as a feather stiff as a board" with Jenny. All the power of the shard that was in Jenny is being transferred into him. Pandora says, "go easy, yo." If the power is drained from Jenny too quickly she and it will be snuffed. Mummy doesn't much care telling Pandy, "For you, I would break eternity." Easy on the teen angst mummy.

Hopefully getting closer to Elvira and her heart's on fire mummy are Abbie, Crane, and Joe. Abbie's angry, though. She thinks she should've been able to protect her own sister. Crane reminds her that the "Sisters Mills" are as close to family as he's got so "don't you give up on me Abbie!" He tells her to keep the faith, they will find Jenny and save her.

The saving better get going because Jenny's finally awake and aware of the freak show happening right over her. She demands to know who these people are! The Mummy tells her that she, Jenny, is the real problem, as he takes his grim reaper looking scythe and places the point on her head. A bright light illuminates the woods as Jenny screams, finally showing Abbie and Crane (and oh yeah Joe) where to go.

The three rush over just in time to see Jenny and Mr. and Mrs. Mummy disappear in a blinding light. All that's left is a lot of black smoke, a cabin that's appeared out of nowhere (seriously, was that building there before??) and a piece of cloth with Summerian writing on it. Crane is taking his time translating it and Abbie demands to know, "what kind of a monster are we dealing with this time?" Oh, no. It's not a monster. It's a living, breathing, god with a lower case g.

Back at Rescue Jenny Headquarters, Crane is translating some more information about this mummy dude. He reasons that as Pandora is of mythology it would make sense she would raise an ancient deity. Joe doesn't much care, he wants to get on with the rescue. Crane puts on the brakes unwilling to rush in if it will hurt Jenny. Abbie says, "No rushing. Just hurry up so we can figure out who he is and kill him fast." Right. Crane says the mummy's name is "The Hidden One." I'm just going to acronym that one out into THO. THO has a staff with an "all seeing eye" on top of it powered by the shard.

Crane suddenly remembers that time Jenny went crazy and drew pictures all over the Headless Containment Cell where she was being kept for safety. The three rush down to search for clues. Joe finds the pic of the staff from the book. Crane is able to translate some of Jenny's writings that tell them THO is planning to come back and reorder the world, shake it up, play god in other words. Abbie spots another clue: this time the eye at the top of the pyramid that's on the back of every dollar bill with the slogan: Novus Ordo Seclorum. Roughly translated to mean Watch Out for Scary Monsters Who Like to Remodel.

Joe is temporarily distracted, wanting to know how that ended up on the back of our money. Crane rolls his eyes and says, "Franklin" in his best Seinfeld, "Newman" voice. Luckily Frank wrote a treatise on the eye of providence (that thing on the dollar bill). Joe assumes a copy of the book must be upstairs because duh Crane always has everything. But not this time! Cranky pants Abbie wants to know where it is. Ichabod reveals it is under lock and key in Albany kept safe by... fratters?

Pi Theta Epsilon to be exact who is having a toga keg party in the middle of the day. Toga! Toga! Apparently the famous, historic book the trio needs is in the study but when they try to get into the frat house without paying the $5 cover things get out of hand. Crane tries a Masonic handshake which only serves to piss off an already drunk fratter so Joe decks the guy. Things quickly spiral out of control into an all house fight which provides a nice distraction for our gang to get inside.

Crane easily opens a secret passage in the middle of the study leading down into a Masonic chamber where the book they need is kept in a nice little hydraulic lift ala Raiders. Also, it's a very nicely maintained chamber as there is not a cobweb in sight. Maybe the pledges have to clean it once a week? Ichabod finds what he's looking for, but it's not Franklin's treatise on whatever, but Paul Revere's (the toothfairy killer). Joe is impressed with Crane's name dropping skills. Abbie wants Ichabod to get to the point.

Colonialback! In 1776 after George Washington got done crossing the Delaware and posing for that famous painting of it, he summoned Paul Revere and his dimwitted nephew Jonathan to examine a weapon he had found: the staff with the shard. Paul's sister was all, "You never take your nephew anywhere. Let him go! What can it hurt. So he bugs you, big deal. Just do it!" Washington reveals the staff with the shard in it to Revere and said nephew, then casually takes Paul to the side so that the nephew can totally screw things up for America.

Nephew Jonathan touched the shard, just like Jenny, and absorbed it into his skin. Since there was no known cure, Johnny decided to decimate himself, blowing up like a nuclear weapon out in the middle of nowhere so as to avoid hurting anyone else. Well that shit's depressing, says Joe. He's not impressed that all they have to help them is a terrible book and some Summerian knowledge. Hey, Joe, was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? No! All they can do is try and try they will.

Meanwhile, Jenny is strapped to a very uncomfortable bed of thorns, the shard's energy still inside her. Pandora comes to check on her giving Jenny the chance to tell Pandy, "Your boo is uuuugly!" THO says, "It's your world that's ugly." He wants to wipe out humans with the fire inside Jenny, and starts the extraction process again. Apparently it hurts worse than taking out a splinter as Jenny writhes in agony.

At Rescue Jenny Headquarters, Ichabod has found another chapter to the sorry Revere nephew story. After dude blew himself up, all that was left in the big crater was the shard. Paul was able to extract it and put it back in the staff. Washington decreed the weapon was too dangerous and had it hidden. Joe correctly assumes that if they can get the staff they can draw the shard to it like a magnet. Abbie looks at Crane, "I really hope you're about to say, 'I think I've seen this staff before.'" Us too Abbie.

Crane remembers this one time at Revolutionary War Camp when he visited Paul Revere at his workshop and Paul engaged in a little foreshadowing. When Crane tells Paul he's sorry to hear about the loss of his nephew Revere turns on him with an ominous look. Don't let anyone in too close, he tells Crane. Cause if you lose them, it will break you. Sheesh Paul! So dramatic. As Ichabod was leaving he noticed Revere melting down the staff into something else. He doesn't know how to describe it so Joe suggests a game of Pictionary. And Joe wins! He recognizes the item Crane sketches as the black rock that held the shard when he and Jenny had it. Back in the day.

Abbie figures out that the casing/black rock that Revere made to hold the shard must also cloak it so it can't be found. Afterall, Pandora never did catch on to where it was. Which must be why she needed Nevins to get it for her. Abbie races back to lockup where Nevins is being held sure she can find the casing. If they can get that, they can contain the shard and keep it from ever being found.

Not a good casing for the shard? Jenny. Who is being torn apart as THO relentlessly extracts the power from her. The more of the shard THO draws into him, the less like a mummy he appears. He finally stops for a moment allowing Jenny to pass out just in time to miss a makeout session between THO and Pando. Too much PDA people! Not cool.

At FBI Headquarters, Sophie is trying to make nice with Nevins thinking they can still be all buddy buddy after she busted him and turned him in. She tries to get Nevins to open up and talk to her, but he's not having it. He says he's not giving her anything, but if Abbie Mills wants to help him, he'll help her. I don't get the sense that Sophie is going to be passing on that message as FBI agents take Nevins away.

Abbie is meanwhile in the evidence lockup and finds the case for the shard. She quickly stuffs it in her purse before noticing a book she just has to have. Early ancient text Christmas present for Crane? He'll be delighted! Stuffing the book in her bag she tries to rush out, but Sophie catches up to her as she's leaving and tells Abbie that Nevins wants to chat. Abbie agrees but it looks like she might be too late.

Nevins is in the back of a van waiting to be transported when Pandora disguised as an FBI agent joins him. She's not only pissed that Nevins let her down by allowing Jenny to get her hands on the shard, but her husband is also back in town. And how will he feel if he finds out Nevins used her box? Glad I'm not the only one who saw the double meaning all season. It was supposed to be a gift for THO. Now Nevins must die. No sharesies here with Pandora. Abbie and Sophie rush in just in time to find all the FBI agents dead and Nevins gone. All that's left is a pool of blood.

Abbie spots Pandora making her way away from the scene. She quickly catches up to Pandora and orders her to freeze. Pandora does, but only because she wants to. Abbie demands that she give her back her sister. And Pandy is touched. She loves that loyalty and wants Abbie and that other witness to take their place in her new world. But she can also tell there's something else that's been festering in Abbie (all episode long!). Pandora reminds Abbie of that one time she failed Jenny: refusing to admit that she had seen Moloch in the woods just like Jenny way back in season one. Pandora disappears as Sophie comes running up to Abbie. Time for Abbie to check in with Reynolds.

Ichabod, meanwhile, is loading up with as many weapons as he can find. Does he have a god killer in there? A standard shotgun doesn't seem like enough fire power to bring to a deity fight. Ichabod drags his bag-o-guns back into the archives where he catches Joe in the act of looking up curses. Specifically, the Wendigo curse Joe suffered awhile back that turned him into a terrible creature. Joe says he would do anything to save Jenny, even revisiting that horror upon himself. Crane says that's a line they just can't cross. Joe gets the love and logic but it doesn't make him feel any better. It doesn't make my six-year-old happy either, Joe.

Abbie is trying to get back to Joe and Crane to find Jenny, but Reynolds has hauled her in to his office for a lover's quarrel. He calls her out on pulling surveillance last week for Crane, Jealous much? Abbie says she wishes she could tell Reynolds what's going on, but she can't. Reynolds just keeps pushing until he pushes too far. Abbie turns in her badge and her gun. She's done and it's kinda sad. Looks like Reynolds is going to cry, until he make a secret phone call to tell someone that "the asset we were cultivating, we just lost her."

Reynolds then tries calling Abbie and gets this spectacular voicemail message: "This is Abbie Mills you know what to do. And if this is you, Crane, I mean it, wait for the beep." Reynolds ignores the Ichabbie message vibe and tells her he hasn't filed her resignation. Please come in and talk, Abbie! Agent Sophie busts this message up and comes in with an update on the search for Nevins. Is he supposed to still be alive? She tells on Abbie saying Agent Mills raided the FBI's weapons supply. Reynolds begs Agent Sophie to find her.

We know where Abbie is. Right by Crane's side. She and Joe and Ichabod are loading up, readying for the raid to save Jenny. It's about time! Abbie remembers to give Crane his Christmas present, the old book she found in lockup that was "Crane-ish." Ichabod immediately knows what the book can do: summon monsters out of Pandora's box Headless anyone? We could sure use Abraham's help right about now.

As the rescue crew sneaks up on Camp Mummy, THO is preparing to extract the last of the shard from Jenny. She hopes he chokes on it. Pandora is there to watch, and the two go in for some more monster PDA. Enough of that! Unforunately, there's no PDA happening between Abbie and Crane other than a rousing reminiscence of all the monsters they've put down on their journey together. It gives them just enough courage to take on this battle in which they are dreadfully overmatched. They are going up against a god after all.

Abbie and Crane move in while Joe takes up position. Then it's time for shock and awe Crane and Abbie style which means firing useless weapons at an undefeatable adversary. Abbie opens fire on Pandora but it does nothing. Joe launches some flash canisters into the tree of death which provides a nice flash as Ichabod rushes up and tases Pandy. It works! Don't tase me, Crane! Abbie rushes up and puts a grenade in front of THO. When it goes off it actually knocks him down. Abbie gets out the shard casing and opens it up. The shard starts to move from Jenny into the case. Abbie promises she won't leave Jenny ever again.

Back where Pandy is still knocked down, Crane is using the summoning book to raise her box. Pandora is very offended and watches in horror as she and Crane go into a spell off, each trying to raise monsters from within. In the other chamber, THO snaps to and deals with Abbie. He sends her flying away from Jenny and manages to get his hands on the shard's case, crushing it. Joe's finally arrived and tries blowing away the god with his guns and grenades all to no effect. While THO leaves to deal with Joe, Abbie grabs what's left of the casing and rushes over to Jenny.

Abbie pulls the shard from Jenny and into her broken casing. That looks about as safe as the bus in Speed. It's drama all around as THO tries to throttle Joe (they rhyme!), Crane battles Pandora to be Queen of the Box, and Abbie holds a thermal detonator in her hands. The chamber begins to come apart as the shard opens up the tree of death causing Abbie's hair to go from curly and bunched up to straight and flat-ironed. Seriously. Check it out. Crane rushes in to see her new hairdo, leaving the box to Pandora.

Crane yells for his "Leftenant!" not to do what he thinks she's about to do. She's not going to suddenly start listening to you now, Ichabod. Abbie tells Jenny and Crane to, "take care of each other" before walking into the tree with her glowing death stone. A huge explosion erupts which sends Crane flying backwards and destroys Pandora's box. Crane manages to pull himself to his feet and stumble past Joe and Jenny, rushing up to the tree that just ate his Leftenant. All he can manage is a devastated whisper of, "Abbie!"

I'm just going to assume that when Abbie went through the tree Ben Franklin was waiting for her on the other side with a special doohickey that saved the day and her. Guess we'll just have to wait until February 6 to find out when Sleepy Hollow returns. What do you think, is Abbie really gone? Let us know in the comments below!
Sleepy Hollow Recap: Novus Ordo Seclorum Reviewed by Deborah Thompson on 1:38 AM Rating: 5

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